Because I couldn’t kill him

It’s wrong to kill your husband.

It doesn’t matter that you spent months knitting him a sweater he’ll never wear. Time you could have spent knitting yourself a sweater. A sweater that you would wear everyday.
The only thing saving him right now is that he swears he would love to wear the sweater, but every time he puts it on he starts with the sneezing and the watery eyes.
So, I can’t kill him. And I can’t wear the sweater I made him. He’s 6 feet tall and 200 pounds. I’m 5 feet tall and well, …. slightly smaller. And I refuse to let the sweater sit in the cedar closet another year unused.
What to do?
I came up with this idea.

A sweater afghan!

I cut the sleeves off. (It felt so good to do harm to the sweater!) Next, I cut straight up the seams on the sides of the sweater, leaving it only bound together at the shoulder seams. Next, I hand-stitched the neck hole closed using a slipstitch. Afterwards, I machine-stitched along the edges of the sweater using a zigzag stitch. This step was to ensure no unraveling occurred.

Finally, to hide the ratty edges, I started to hand-baste a double fold bias tape around the entire length of it. Hopefully, I’ll be able to finish this step while watching the Phillies game tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll be able to topstitch the tape in place. I’ll probably use a zigzag stitch. All that will be left to do is to remove my hand-basting. You’ll note that I am using a white thread now to aid me in locating the basting thread later.

I will be the proud owner of a wool afghan that only I can use. Plus, I get to live the rest of my life on the right side of prison bars.

I was reminded of something these past two days: how much I hate to seam sweaters closed. I had become spoiled by my Ode to Quilting afghan blocks. Those pieces are so simple to seam together. All the seams are straight … and very small. The seams of a sweater have to contend with increases and decreases. I can’t remember how many times I had to back up, rip out my seams, and start over because the diagonal of the increases didn’t match up.

Despite my struggles, I managed to get half of the sweater seamed together. I’m pretty pleased with the way it looks.

Oh, and better news, I slipped the sweater over my head and it fits …. perfectly! I’m so excited. **Dancing**

I just need to hurry. My model is gaining weight every week. (She’s pregnant with their first child.)

5 thoughts on “Because I couldn’t kill him

  1. Heheh..I think I would be a little bit torn myself about whether or not to kill my husband (but since he’s got allergies I guess it’s ok LOL). I’ve been making him a sweater for the last little while, I haven’t gotten very far on it seeing as I’m working for a yarn company now. He swears to me he’s going to wear it, but you know those nagging little doubts you get? I made him a hat once and he said..”Oh yeah…I’ll wear it!” Oh yeah..right. Great idea on making it a throw though. I’d have left it in the closet and pulled it out once in a while and say..”..oh! Here’s that sweater I painstakingly knit you that you never wear.”

  2. Oh no! I would be so disappointed if I made someone something that big and involved and then found out they were allergic! I’m glad it’s finding new life as a blanket. Sounds comfy too!

  3. thanks for the comment on my blog, I dye all the wool myself and have an etsy shop

    I would never make anything for my husband as he just would not appreciate it, I think it is great that you have managed to adapt it.

  4. I did something similiar, once. I was working on a patchwork cardigan sweater — when I belated realized that not only did I already own a cardigan patchwork KNITTED sweater, I owned a crocheted version too, both of which I made myself. After that, my decision was easy – after all, did I really need a third patchwork sweater? So I took the pieces I had knit (but not put together yet), put them together as a flat panel, and added a bit to it, and I have myself a wool patchwork afghan. The best part about it ? The first few pieces of hand spun yarn I ever made is in this afghan.

  5. Great idea! I knitted some socks for my husband that he doesn’t wear because they “make his feet too hot”.
    A lesson learned I think!

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